When helping others, the help goes both ways.

09 Nov

No, this isn’t a blog about that whole ‘an eye for an eye’ thing that seems to be a lot of people’s mentality these days. Far from it. In fact, when it comes to friendship I really dislike it being a competition or an eye for an eye… you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours sort of thing. Yes, friendship is still about give and take, not all give or all take, and definitely not something you need to keep score on.

What I will try and explain today is more that by helping others, you can really be helping yourself too. Still not making much sense? Oh surprise me! Me making sense? Pffffft!

Basically, I’ve had a rough couple of weeks. Not the worst in the world, but for me personally they were pretty bad. It started with a sinus infection that developed into suspected shingles that downgraded to a rash which was most likely my immune system reacting to all the stress I was putting myself under and a warning to stop it or really get sick. So, yeah, not the worst news in the world compared to what could have happened… but still shitty. It basically meant I had to make some very tough calls on what to remove from my life to get the stress down. Trying to do two full time jobs wasn’t helping, and as I couldn’t quit from being a mum and Haus Frau… yeah, it was a bad week. 😦

BUT! In my moment of misery there came a shining light that helped me feel less like a useless piece of, erm, refuse and more like someone worthwhile. Now, that moment was a major issue to friends of mine, but I really feel it was a big moment for me too. Not because I helped, but because it allowed me to get out of the dark hole I had allowed myself to fall in to.

Basically, their car was in for a service and then ended up being out of commission for, at the time, just that night. The hubby had to get himself from the city to one of the Adelaide Hills towns and, somehow also pick up the three children from three different locations. Janis to the rescue! I had my kids at home and no way of transporting us all so had my saintly parents agree to look after them while I was on this mercy mission. And so, from Mount Barker to Crafers to Aldgate to Bridgewater to Oakbank to Lobethal and back to Mount Barker I went. The whole time my friends were thanking me, where in all honesty I really do feel like I should be thanking them. They were in dire need of help and they chose me to be that help. Me, who was feeling so worthless and shitty and horrible for not being able to keep up with the demands of the world and having to be a coward and hold up my white flag. Me, who honestly didn’t deserve friends or kindness or to be thought of as helpful (in my mind anyhow). Self-hate and depression is a bitch, isn’t it?

And so Thank You to my wonderful friends in need. I feel you did me a bigger favour by asking me for help than I did by you needing me for said help.

I am not an outwardly emotional person… no, I throw most of it into my writing. I know you won’t have read Isis, Vampires and Ghosts – Oh My! yet, but there is a moment in that where I really drew on my own hopelessness and depression and that falling into a dark hole sort of thing as a way to vent it all. I suck at showing my emotions (unless you amuse me and I will smirk and laugh) but who needs the negative stuff shared, right? Then again, you shouldn’t dwell and stew in it alone too.

And that is what I got out of this recent call for help. I needed to be doing the calling for help as I was in a very, very bad place myself. So the call for help was my lifeline. People needed me, people were hoping I could help, and I could! I was useful, I helped and they all got home safe and sound. And as I drove home I may as well have gotten my damned ticket tape parade for how bloody good I felt. Life has really picked up again since then. I can get out of my own road, and have even gotten back into being a useful Haus Frau rather than a misery guts on the couch.

So, always think of your friends when you’re in need. To me, a friend may not be in touch every day to re-affirm the friendship, they’re just there whenever. There is no tally of good deeds done or parties gone to or meals given. They are just a friend. And do think of others when you need help as it can be the simplest things that can help them in return. When trying to fit ‘are you okay’ into your daily life, think on it. You need help, but what does that help to for those you ask? I’m back to not making sense aren’t I? 😉

Okay, so I was feeling crappy about my self-worth, friends needed me and being needed made me a happier person. Putting it into one sentence like that a blog it does not make! But maybe it makes more sense.

Just remember to be yourself, be excellent to each other and never be afraid to ask for help. I sort of failed on the last bit, but someone asking me for help equalled the same.

Until next time,

Janis XXOO

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Posted by on November 9, 2013 in Writing


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