In this week’s blog I am going for something slightly different and hopefully whimsical. Due to Bonnie taking over the running of the Bonnie’s Story – A blonde’s Guide to Mathematics Facebook page here, I thought I’d interview her so we all got to know her a little better.

Let’s see how it goes…

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So, Bonnie tell us a little bit more about yourself?

Well, I am an award winning hairdresser who works now part time for Yvonne’s Hair Dreams Salon. Yeah I can assure you she pays me enough to actually want to admit that or say that cringe worthy name out loud in an interview. My boss is nice enough, when spoken to in the right tone of voice, and is actually called Pam so go figure!

Other than that, I like to travel, got a fair bit of it done over the past year and have a mighty fine snow dome collection growing out of it. We just won’t go into the gut wrenching Maths That Stays that gives me the freedom to travel so much. It has its positives and all, but man the negatives are a major kick in the pants.

Have you and Rogan settled down together yet? Or is he still living on the Moon?

Urgh! Just don’t get me started on Mr ‘I love you and want to be a part of your life but don’t actually want to stop living on the Moon in case I get a grey hair’! Yes we are still together and yes I know he loves me very much, as I do him… but he is one of the biggest commitment-phobes around.

And seriously, why would he want to live in that stale, smelly and grey hole known as the Moon when my gorgeous worker’s cottage has plenty of space. I’ve even offered to let him set some of his black boards up in the spare room; all I get is a blank stare as if I am missing the point. Damn him!

How well are you getting along with The Gang?

Oh, they have their moments but all in all are a sweet bunch of guys. If you go in for the sort of guy who is able to calculate Pi to its thousandth digit but are unable to tie their own shoelaces, boy do I have the group of eligible bachelors for you! Just don’t expect them to make eye contact when they talk to you. Seriously shoes suddenly appear fascinating to them.

As for getting along, it’s great. Yeah they’ve gone and had a ‘Bonnie must not deliberately coerce us’ jar installed that’s twice the size of the ‘swear’ jar they originally installed for me… and seriously I don’t know why. It’s not as if I’m trying to change how they do things or anything. Just suggest stuff like, oh I don’t know, coasters under their drinks, actually washing their dirty dishes and remembering that the toilet seat is always meant to be down. Why I am out of pocket almost fifty dollars a week from mere suggestions, I just don’t know. But I do feel Clara has something to do with it.

Speaking of Clara, have the two of you become friends yet? Or at least learnt to get along?

Oh dear God do not use that F word around me when discussing Clara! Who knew smart science girls can be such a pill? I did not steal her man, I am not out to get her and I wish people would stop blaming me for her hair now being shorter than it used to be. I was asked to give everyone a haircut, for free I might add, and she happened to sit in the chair I was using. How was I supposed to know she was just tying her shoelaces on her way out somewhere? I mean, seriously! It’s not as if I’m a mind reader!

When talking about the new world you have discovered through Rogan, what ONE thing would be your favourite?

I know I am meant to be all cutesy and lovey dovey and answer that it’s Rogan… but come on girls… Actual Belgian chocolates from Belgian any time he so much as remotely pisses me off. How awesome is that? No I don’t sometimes just get mad at him to get the chocolates, despite what someone has been trying to suggest to The Gang. But she is just upset I’ve stopped sharing them with her now Rogan has realised I don’t like the ginger pralines.

And what would be your least favourite thing?

Well, yeah… Sylvester wasn’t such an awesome moment in our lives. And I know I am probably expected to say it’s Clara but it’s not. The hygiene levels of The Gang rate pretty highly mind you.

However, I would have to say it’s the actual Maths Travel. Oh, don’t get me wrong, it’s absolutely awesome to be able to travel anywhere in the world I want, as long as we have a picture of it, and whenever I want… but that it turns me into a sick to the stomach zombie for several hours after each trip makes all the other bad things pale in comparison.

That and Nimirlan’s singing. Yeah, just. Don’t. If he ever asks you to go to karaoke with him. Just. Say. No.

So you still get sick from ‘Maths Travel’?

Oh hell yeah! I mean, not barf my guts up sort of sick, but still. The whole Gang has tried to come up with why it happens, even Clara, and we’re no closer to a solution. Something about me having too tight a hold on reality to allow the shifting of location in a matter of seconds to pass unnoticed? I swear Clara is only pretending to help and some of the horrid concoctions she’s come up with really have made me barf my guts up.

That reminds me, she owes me a new pair of shoes…

People want to know, how IS Mr Doodles doing?

Ha ha! Oh he’s doing fine. Seriously I think his outer fluffy coat mirrors an inner fluffy brain. Yes a door suddenly appearing on my back verandah did seem to unsettle him for a while but it’s all good. He’s living the life of a spoilt, if not sometimes forgotten, lap dog at the absent minded professors house AKA my parents. It’s all good.

What does your family think about all this?

My mum and dad? Well, not much really. But that’s mainly because I’ve decided it’s in the ‘just too hard’ basket and so left it as just introducing them to Rogan and stating that he is my latest boyfriend.

As for my brother? I shudder to think of what would happen if I told him. He’d either become a member of The Gang and take over and just ruin everything with his bossy nature and annoying complaints or he’d be rejected by The Gang and become as bad as Sylvester. Just not as good looking or charismatic.

What plans do you, Rogan and The Gang have for the future?

Short term we’re about to go backpacking around the Bahamas. Yeah, I hadn’t taken them for the outdoorsy type either but apparently they’re fine as long as they treat it like some sort of expedition. Me, it’s all coconut palms and white beaches.

Long term, I really don’t know. Rogan owes me another session of us sitting down so he can teach me some more of the twists and tricks Maths That Stays can do. Something about Pockets in Time? Yeah, not too sure if I am going to enjoy that and he has been warned to woo me good and proper before telling me something too earth shattering. Well, I mean something else that is earth shattering.

Have you learnt how to use Maths That Stays yet?

Urgh! Don’t get me started on all that nonsense either. Yeah so what if I can’t do it? Do I really really need to know? It’s not as if I’m ever going to use Maths That Stays solo as I need someone to look after me during my zombie cotton wool time. Besides, the last time Rogan tried to teach me I ended up owing the new jar over one hundred dollars. I mean, if The Gang want to turn Rogan trying to teach me things into a spectator sport they deserve everything that happens to them. I still don’t know why it was my fault. Yeah maybe I should have used a better phrase than suggesting Jelly just stick my phone somewhere… I was angry and he started it!

And, finally, it being Election Day – which party will you be voting for? Can you do an absentee vote from the Moon?

Sadly ‘no’ to the absentee vote. So I stuck around my home and avoided the Moon for the last week just to ensure I didn’t get all caught up in things and actually miss the day.

As for who I voted for? If I tell you that you know I’d then just have to kill you. And where would my sequel be then lady?

But vote I did, those Suffragettes didn’t go through hell for me to just gripe about it, so I’ve gone and numbered all the boxes as I saw fit.

Actually, I’ve often thought of having a go at politics myself… but seriously don’t think it’s worth the effort. Yes I could ensure I always got things done my way, but Bonnie for PM? I don’t think so. I saw how they treated our last lady in power. It’s much easier to stick to being a blonde, being a hairdresser and splitting my time between here and on the Moon.

I wouldn’t get to backpack around the Bahamas at the drop of a hat either.

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Until next time,

Janis. XXOO