Monthly Archives: September 2013

Okay, so this week I really didn’t know what to write about and had been thinking of playfully bemoaning that in one hour of my fab new job I earn the equivalent of selling roughly thirty books. And then I took a look at what’s been happening in the world and didn’t feel like I had the right.

With four year olds fleeing gunmen at their local shops, mothers and soon to be mothers lying dead nearby. With landslides engulfing homes of people who didn’t have much else and fires destroying others… yeah, who has the right to whinge over something so fickle?

And so, instead, I’m going to try and reflect on the world in general and see the best of it I can. You see, I am one of those cynical people who – when seeing the woes of the world – tend to take it personally and wish I could make it all better immediately. And sometimes I find it so overwhelming, when I can’t, that I can’t even make my own little dust mote part of the world okay. I feel that’s one of the reason I am obsessed with ironing, as it’s one place I’m in control of taking all the mess and chaos and can let my mind wander through good thoughts while I smooth it all into crisp neatness.

Now that I’ve established that I am a neurotic loony, I’ll try and get to the point of why quotes are so useful when cheering myself up. And, no, I’m not one of those inspirational quotes junkies. In fact, I find them terribly annoying and tend to want to stick them up some part of the anatomy of the person who is sharing it with me. I mean just your basic everyday quotes. And now it’s time to share some of them with you so either sit back, read and relax or off you go. Space Chimp 2 is on the TV if you want to go join the hordes. 😉

So – speaking of the Hordes (my children) – the first quote I will explain why I use so much is: “Be Excellent to each other”. Yes, that’s right, it is from a movie about a couple of goofy air brained guys (Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure) who’s life quote to be excellent to each other changed the world and the future becomes an almost Gene Roddenberry type utopia because of it. No, I am not trying to create this fictional future by enforcing this life philosophy on my kids. But I do feel it is a nice thing to try and teach them. Just… Be Excellent To Each Other. Yes I’m usually trying to calmly enforce it upon them when they’re at each other’s throat but hey! I find it calms me to be saying it rather than joining in the screaming and yelling. See – it’s working!

But seriously, I’m raising my kids to never judge a person by their nationality, religion, political leanings, fashion sense, gender, sexual orientation or the colour of their hair, eyes, skin or teeth. Judge them by their actions to others as that is how they (said hordes) will be judged. And if their actions are to be excellent to each other… geez I hope you can see where I’m trying to go with this as I’m going to start going in circles shortly. But still, it works! I’ve had nearly twenty years in customer service and excel at it by treating people how I myself would like to be treated. And my kids are known for doing the same. Go team Littleton!

Another quote that may come across as a little cheesy, but is another I try and abide by is: “Always look on the bright side of life” (whistle if you feel the need). Not, I am not a glass half full happy go lucky, everyone is wonderful sort of fluffy bunny. In fact I don’t believe in the glass half anything. I’m an all or nothing type so if there is a glass containing a liquid and it’s not full or empty, it is obviously not my glass so stop asking me stupid questions. Yes, this is also known as being a cynical bitch. I don’t have a badge for that, I have the t-shirt instead. 😀

What I try and gain from this Monty Python quote is this – yes life is indeed a piece of shit when you look at it… but if you keep looking at it like that, all you’re left with is manure city. Every time something crappy happens to me, or someone does something crappy – of course I’m going to have a whinge about it! But I then try and see a positive, try and see the bright side of it. Basically accept it for what it is and move on. Actually, that’s a quote I learnt in one of my former jobs – “Accept and move on” as it too is a good motto to have. Things change, not always for the good and more often for the bad. Accept these changes and just move on. Sometimes it is hard, so very hard… and it hurts and you are damaged (maybe mentally or physically). It happens. But the only way to get better is to just accept this crap, look for positives in your life and move on. Occasionally suffering bouts of depression and having low self-esteem means I have an inner voice that is a bigger bitch than me. These two quotes are my biggest weapons against it. I use them to get the right mind set going and hope for the best. It’s working so far. 😉

Another of my favourite quotes, especially as I enjoy playing the dumb blonde years after I stopped being a true blonde, and that is: “It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open ones mouth and remove all doubt”. Or something like that. Abraham Lincoln wasn’t it? Yeah, this one can go hand in hand with “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” as, quite frankly, anyone who feels it’s better to attack people with nasty words than try and talk things out… well, they’re most often an idiot. And, from experience, if you find yourself being a silent participant in friend and family outings as you’re following either of these quotes… well, it’s time to sit down and think over exactly why it is you feel you’re an idiot by opening your mouth, or why you need to be rude when you do break the silence. Your bitchy, self-hating inner self has no right to do all the talking you know.

On the flipside to this if you do have a friend who is always silent; sometimes it’s better to brace yourself for stupid, nasty words just to ask “Are you okay?” This is a good quote and shouldn’t be restricted to just something you say when it’s Are you Okay day once a year. Sometimes the silence and rudeness is hiding something that can be cured by someone taking an interest and just being a friend, nothing more or less. Think about it, do you know anyone like this? It’s possible they can’t find that bright side of life without help and by being excellent to them may just be the ray of sunshine they need to penetrate their darkness.

Last quote I will share is one I don’t agree with and needs to be modified. That is: “Survival of the fittest” and this is because it should really be “Survival of the most stubborn” as seriously… cockroaches and rats – not the fittest and riddled with disease. They survive as they’re stubborn little buggers. If you want to be positive and use this quote to show this is why you must strive to survive, realise it’s sheer stubbornness getting you through. You want it, go get it and don’t let anyone stop you. I sort of instil this in my children too… but the Pagan in me makes me add “As long as intentionally harm none in the process”. Oh look, another quote.

Okay, so if you’ve managed to read through to the end of this blog, you’re either rather bored or used to my lite level of insanity. 😉 I could add many others like “Look before you leap, act before you think” and so on. But I feel I’ve bared my soul enough for one post.

It really does come down to – Be Excellent to Each Other. We share this world, not own it. What happens in one place can affect us all. And those of us with excess really do need to look at our international neighbours who have very little and see what we can do to help.

Heh, consider yourself given my best Mummy pep talk. Now go out there and be the best you that you can be!

Until next time,

Janis XXOO

I hope I am not alone with this dilemma, but I have at least a dozen story ideas started on my computer that I’ve never found the time to finish… not mentioning the boxes of note books of similarly incomplete stories from my childhood and teens. Please tell me this is a common affliction for those who have been writing all their lives but sadly have to keep up with the ‘real jobs’ and so keep writing as a hobby?

It’s not that I never finish a story – far from it. I’ve finished a few! And not just the ones that have been published, or are about to be published. No, there’s a few novellas and poems and what not that are done and dusted, but seriously not worth much more than being used as blog fodder. Plus there were those years I wasted my writing time and talent on an online role playing game for Star Trek. What, you didn’t realise I would be a Trekkie too? *gasp* What is wrong with you? Have you not been keeping up with my blogs? 😉

And so, what do we do with these unfinished stories? Well, if you’re anything like me they’re never forgotten and I often start thinking about how to continue with say the boy who lives in the world of the dream warriors, or whether Jason and Quair ever stop being lost out in the wilderness. Or even, will Torascx ever get home after being stranded on earth with the weird but wonderful Dana to help him?

Oh, don’t worry, it’s okay if you have no idea what I am referring too, very few people do, but I’m sending a bug hug out to all those who can nod their heads and say ‘Yes, when are you going to finish that?’ As, yes, my friends and family who have been forced to read, or listen to me read, this work over the years have never forgotten them and often put in requests as to which story I should finish next.

But do I? Sometimes I open them up and have a bit of a tippy tap at them, but sadly the biggest reason I never finish them all is there is always a new one starting to form in my head. And, more often than not, that is the one I then plunge into. Thankfully they are also the ones I tend to finish these days as I have become so obsessed with actually getting the damned things out of my head and onto the paper.

So maybe the reason I haven’t finished the older stories is not because I can’t, but because I don’t want to. These characters, images and stories have been such a part of my imagination for so long that maybe removing them onto said paper will mean I leave great big holes I just can’t fill?

Nah, it would be too romantic to think that, right? Quite frankly I feel it’s more because I’m a bit of a slack tart. But mostly because there really isn’t enough time in my day to be a full time writer. If there was, if I really did have the chance to spend twelve hours of most days writing… more would get finished and more would depart. But hey, it’s not as if they wouldn’t be quickly replaced.

To be a full time writer, would that really do it? Not be a mum and a Haus Frau and an IT contractor (my current three full time jobs) and just sit and write and not have to worry about hordes, home or where the money is coming from for the next bill. Heck, I’d have a damned good go at making it happen, but I suffer terribly from procrastination and a sunny day with a garden bed that needs weeding, or a pile of ironing that is just going to sit there… they will always distract me and tempt me back to the real world. Still, weeding and ironing are fun for me as it’s a time my imagination gets my full attention and many a good story idea has come from that time well spent.

And so, yes, there will always be too many stories to write and not enough time to do it in. Though it would be nice – from time to time – to get out one of the older ones, get it dusted off and see if it’s still worth the effort. Though I do get annoyed, when rereading some of them, that some bugger has since taken one of my fabulous ideas and turned it into a story of their own. I mean, how rude is that? 😉

My advice to anyone in a similar situation, someone else that has too many stories and not enough time to finish any of them is: Don’t stress, some of mine have been in a holding pattern inside my head for years. They can wait! Focus on one, just the one, and write it. Finish it. Get it out of your head and onto that paper. Once it’s done you can get the rest of them to draw straws and choose the next one!

As the old saying goes – you can’t eat the elephant in a single bite. Take small nibbles and eventually it will all be gone. This is the attitude I take to my Haus Frauing when there is so much to do, and it’s the advice I’ve started taking to my writing – and it works!

So, go out there, nibble your elephant! Um, yeah, so I may not be the best at motivational speaking but I hope you get the gist anyhow.

Happy writing, until next time.

Janis. XXOO

In this week’s blog I am going for something slightly different and hopefully whimsical. Due to Bonnie taking over the running of the Bonnie’s Story – A blonde’s Guide to Mathematics Facebook page here, I thought I’d interview her so we all got to know her a little better.

Let’s see how it goes…

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So, Bonnie tell us a little bit more about yourself?

Well, I am an award winning hairdresser who works now part time for Yvonne’s Hair Dreams Salon. Yeah I can assure you she pays me enough to actually want to admit that or say that cringe worthy name out loud in an interview. My boss is nice enough, when spoken to in the right tone of voice, and is actually called Pam so go figure!

Other than that, I like to travel, got a fair bit of it done over the past year and have a mighty fine snow dome collection growing out of it. We just won’t go into the gut wrenching Maths That Stays that gives me the freedom to travel so much. It has its positives and all, but man the negatives are a major kick in the pants.

Have you and Rogan settled down together yet? Or is he still living on the Moon?

Urgh! Just don’t get me started on Mr ‘I love you and want to be a part of your life but don’t actually want to stop living on the Moon in case I get a grey hair’! Yes we are still together and yes I know he loves me very much, as I do him… but he is one of the biggest commitment-phobes around.

And seriously, why would he want to live in that stale, smelly and grey hole known as the Moon when my gorgeous worker’s cottage has plenty of space. I’ve even offered to let him set some of his black boards up in the spare room; all I get is a blank stare as if I am missing the point. Damn him!

How well are you getting along with The Gang?

Oh, they have their moments but all in all are a sweet bunch of guys. If you go in for the sort of guy who is able to calculate Pi to its thousandth digit but are unable to tie their own shoelaces, boy do I have the group of eligible bachelors for you! Just don’t expect them to make eye contact when they talk to you. Seriously shoes suddenly appear fascinating to them.

As for getting along, it’s great. Yeah they’ve gone and had a ‘Bonnie must not deliberately coerce us’ jar installed that’s twice the size of the ‘swear’ jar they originally installed for me… and seriously I don’t know why. It’s not as if I’m trying to change how they do things or anything. Just suggest stuff like, oh I don’t know, coasters under their drinks, actually washing their dirty dishes and remembering that the toilet seat is always meant to be down. Why I am out of pocket almost fifty dollars a week from mere suggestions, I just don’t know. But I do feel Clara has something to do with it.

Speaking of Clara, have the two of you become friends yet? Or at least learnt to get along?

Oh dear God do not use that F word around me when discussing Clara! Who knew smart science girls can be such a pill? I did not steal her man, I am not out to get her and I wish people would stop blaming me for her hair now being shorter than it used to be. I was asked to give everyone a haircut, for free I might add, and she happened to sit in the chair I was using. How was I supposed to know she was just tying her shoelaces on her way out somewhere? I mean, seriously! It’s not as if I’m a mind reader!

When talking about the new world you have discovered through Rogan, what ONE thing would be your favourite?

I know I am meant to be all cutesy and lovey dovey and answer that it’s Rogan… but come on girls… Actual Belgian chocolates from Belgian any time he so much as remotely pisses me off. How awesome is that? No I don’t sometimes just get mad at him to get the chocolates, despite what someone has been trying to suggest to The Gang. But she is just upset I’ve stopped sharing them with her now Rogan has realised I don’t like the ginger pralines.

And what would be your least favourite thing?

Well, yeah… Sylvester wasn’t such an awesome moment in our lives. And I know I am probably expected to say it’s Clara but it’s not. The hygiene levels of The Gang rate pretty highly mind you.

However, I would have to say it’s the actual Maths Travel. Oh, don’t get me wrong, it’s absolutely awesome to be able to travel anywhere in the world I want, as long as we have a picture of it, and whenever I want… but that it turns me into a sick to the stomach zombie for several hours after each trip makes all the other bad things pale in comparison.

That and Nimirlan’s singing. Yeah, just. Don’t. If he ever asks you to go to karaoke with him. Just. Say. No.

So you still get sick from ‘Maths Travel’?

Oh hell yeah! I mean, not barf my guts up sort of sick, but still. The whole Gang has tried to come up with why it happens, even Clara, and we’re no closer to a solution. Something about me having too tight a hold on reality to allow the shifting of location in a matter of seconds to pass unnoticed? I swear Clara is only pretending to help and some of the horrid concoctions she’s come up with really have made me barf my guts up.

That reminds me, she owes me a new pair of shoes…

People want to know, how IS Mr Doodles doing?

Ha ha! Oh he’s doing fine. Seriously I think his outer fluffy coat mirrors an inner fluffy brain. Yes a door suddenly appearing on my back verandah did seem to unsettle him for a while but it’s all good. He’s living the life of a spoilt, if not sometimes forgotten, lap dog at the absent minded professors house AKA my parents. It’s all good.

What does your family think about all this?

My mum and dad? Well, not much really. But that’s mainly because I’ve decided it’s in the ‘just too hard’ basket and so left it as just introducing them to Rogan and stating that he is my latest boyfriend.

As for my brother? I shudder to think of what would happen if I told him. He’d either become a member of The Gang and take over and just ruin everything with his bossy nature and annoying complaints or he’d be rejected by The Gang and become as bad as Sylvester. Just not as good looking or charismatic.

What plans do you, Rogan and The Gang have for the future?

Short term we’re about to go backpacking around the Bahamas. Yeah, I hadn’t taken them for the outdoorsy type either but apparently they’re fine as long as they treat it like some sort of expedition. Me, it’s all coconut palms and white beaches.

Long term, I really don’t know. Rogan owes me another session of us sitting down so he can teach me some more of the twists and tricks Maths That Stays can do. Something about Pockets in Time? Yeah, not too sure if I am going to enjoy that and he has been warned to woo me good and proper before telling me something too earth shattering. Well, I mean something else that is earth shattering.

Have you learnt how to use Maths That Stays yet?

Urgh! Don’t get me started on all that nonsense either. Yeah so what if I can’t do it? Do I really really need to know? It’s not as if I’m ever going to use Maths That Stays solo as I need someone to look after me during my zombie cotton wool time. Besides, the last time Rogan tried to teach me I ended up owing the new jar over one hundred dollars. I mean, if The Gang want to turn Rogan trying to teach me things into a spectator sport they deserve everything that happens to them. I still don’t know why it was my fault. Yeah maybe I should have used a better phrase than suggesting Jelly just stick my phone somewhere… I was angry and he started it!

And, finally, it being Election Day – which party will you be voting for? Can you do an absentee vote from the Moon?

Sadly ‘no’ to the absentee vote. So I stuck around my home and avoided the Moon for the last week just to ensure I didn’t get all caught up in things and actually miss the day.

As for who I voted for? If I tell you that you know I’d then just have to kill you. And where would my sequel be then lady?

But vote I did, those Suffragettes didn’t go through hell for me to just gripe about it, so I’ve gone and numbered all the boxes as I saw fit.

Actually, I’ve often thought of having a go at politics myself… but seriously don’t think it’s worth the effort. Yes I could ensure I always got things done my way, but Bonnie for PM? I don’t think so. I saw how they treated our last lady in power. It’s much easier to stick to being a blonde, being a hairdresser and splitting my time between here and on the Moon.

I wouldn’t get to backpack around the Bahamas at the drop of a hat either.

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Until next time,

Janis. XXOO